Irony

seeing this sign in a pizza shop on the way to College Writing.




Also a 40-ish year old lady was sitting on the T across from me today.  She seemed like a nice woman.  Had a nice wintery, Christmas colored professional outfit on.  Then she pulled out a foot long, raw hot dog out of her purse and began eating it.

Top Tens

So here are my Top Tens of 2009. I would do the entire decade but that requires a lot more thinking than I'm trying to give for a blog. Now my own personal rules for Top Tens is that it can be anything I experienced for the first time in 2009. If I had never heard Beethoven's 5th Symphony until 2009. then it's eligible. Also this is only compared to what I listened to on my own. So if you get all bent out of shape because I don't have any Lady GaGa all over my lists, well that's because I refused to listen that no talent ass clown (my apologies to the Lady GaGa fans). Got it? Good, let's start. (I didn't do movies because I really don't remember what the hell I watched. Way too much thinking involved.....plus I'm feeling lazy)

Top Ten Albums of 2009

10. "Far" by Regina Spektor
9. "Sad Man Happy Man" by Mike Doughty
8. "Either/Or" by Elliot Smith
7. "Blakroc" by Blakroc
6. "Backspacer" by Pearl Jam
5. "Veckatimest" by Grizzly Bear
4. "Magical Mystery Tour" by The Beatles
3. "Them Crooked Vultures" by Them Crooked Vultures
2. "Horehound" by The Dead Weather
1. "Abbey Road" by The Beatles

Top Ten Songs of 2009

10. "No Line On The Horizon" by U2
9. "Ain't No Right" by Jane's Addiction
8. "The Best Man" by Eli Porter
7. "Be Here Now" by Ray LaMontagne
6. "A Day In The Life" by The Beatles
5. "Unthought Known" by Pearl Jam
4. "Human Of The Year" by Regina Spektor
3. "Two Weeks" by Grizzly Bear
2. "Baby You're A Rich Man" by The Beatles
1. "I Cut Like A Buffalo" by The Dead Weather


Top Ten Video Games

10. "Ratchet & Clank: A Crack In Time" for Playstation 3
9. "Forza 3" for Xbox 360
8. "Halo 3:ODST" for Xbox 360
7. "UFC Undisputed 2009" for Playstation 3
6. "Trials HD" for Xbox Live Arcade
5. "Metroid Prime Trilogy" for Nintendo Wii
4. "New Super Mario Bros. Wii" for Nintendo Wii
3. "Killzone 2" for Playstation 3
2. "Batman: Arkham Asylum" for Playstation 3
1. "Uncharted 2: Among Thieves" for Playstation 3



Top Ten Youtube Clips


10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.



Top Ten Nine Concerts of 2009


9. Mike Doughty @ The Regettabar in Boston
8. Aimee Mann @ The Cape Cod Melody Tent in Cape Cod
7. The Swell Season in Providence
6. Cold War Kids @ The Wilbur Theater in Boston
5. Ray LaMontange in Northhampton
4. Regina Spektor @ The Orpheum Theatre in Boston
3. Nine Inch Nails/Jane's Addiction @ Comcast Center in Mansfield
2. Grizzly Bear @ The Orpheum Theatre in Boston
1. Nine Inch Nails @ The Bowery Ballroom in NYC

Typical day in Lit

In my infamous Lit class the professor prefers we organize our desks in a circle for better discussion and view of each other. I decided to describe seat by seat the individuals in class the other day.

1. Smiles but never talks. Owns one yellow shirt and wears only that....well at least on Fridays.

2. I have no idea what her voice sounds like. She will not be happy with her class participation grade.

3. Seriously.

4. The Asian girl in "Babel". Seems utterly depressed. Could be a future member of the Crazy 88's.

******sidenote: the previous 4 are the self-segregated Asian persuasion*********

5. Quite normal student. Angel's cronie.

6. Never stops fucking talking. Never actually adds anything to the distraction. His Boston accent sounds like me imitating a Boston accent. In other words, no one should ever sound like that when the talk.

7. Constantly high. Guaranteed to walk into class about 45 minutes late every week. Resembles Namond from The Wire season 4.

8. Bad make-up job. Resembles Tara Reid post fame.

9. She gives a shit, yet looks like a bit of a hood rat. One day she wore basketball shorts with a thermal top. huh.

10. Thinks he's funny. Comes off stupid.

11. Angel from "Stand and Deliver"

12. Quiet student. Could care less of everyone talking; listens to really bad house music (I can hear it through her headphones during break.....something like Technotronik)

13. Youngest student. Snobby by thinking that reading books, particularly most things we've already covered, makes her "ahead of the curve". It doesn't. I don't see her tutoring anyone.

14. This is a decent guy. Reminds me of a puerto rican version of Furio from The Sopranos.

15. This girl might actually hate the constant talking more than me.

16. Resembles Tyra Banks....well at least the forehead part. Gets along with #17 due to cultural similarities. Not sure what culture that is....I'm not good with that kind of stuff.

17. Tries really hard but can't seem to grasp due to English not being a first language. recently asked me what hanky panky meant. Otherwise, a clean cut guy.

18. Oldest in the class; only one who likes the teacher's dry sense of humor. me.

19. Russian named Ogla. Surprisingly she gets it given that English is not her first language either.

20. Marla from Fight Club. Even though she arrives about an hour late each Friday, she still manages to find a way to contribute.

21. but female. Retorts with ridiculously immature opinions, but delivered in a way where they almost seem relevant.

22. I have seriously never seen this girl in this class before. It is week 13.

Long time no blog

College Writing I. This was the one class this semester that I was the most intimidated by as it took me all of my energy just to write about ANYTHING in high school. Given that this is COLLEGE Writing, I figured the stakes are higher and the effort is going to be more rigorous. It turns out this class is a fucking joke.....and its all on the shoulders of the professor. I'll call her Mrs. Doe (as in deer, not anonymity) for the sake of not being able to Google her own name.

Facts and quotes of Mrs. Doe:

- "That guy went to the word bank and came out a millionaire."

- "She took the page out of the homegirl's notebook."

- "I love Tyler Perry."

- "The woman's so ugly she can't tell she's sick."

- while taking attendance...."Sade? Oh you pronounce it Sadie? I can't believe your parents would give you a slave name like that. At least pronounce it Sade . I'll be damned if someone were to call me Bessie."

- yes. she said "slave name".

- She has only been on time for class once. Usually averages about 15 minutes late. Was something over 30 minutes late (not sure of accurate time since I left to go to the computer lab before she even arrived) and no-showed an entire class.

- Took a phone call on her cell in the middle of class. When I say the middle of class, I mean she was literally standing in the middle of class.

- Has often asked US what we are doing. Not in a "let-the-students-run-the-class" sort of way, but in a "what-the-fuck-are-we-doing-because-I-don't-have-my-shit-together" sort of way.

- She has a titanium jaw. Literally.

- Either her arm or her back is going to go next because she sure brags about herself a lot.




So yeah, I'm thankful that I only had this class for 7 weeks. ( see mini-semester description in previous post)

I was a little upset in recent class meetings because a few of the students had dropped the class and never showed again. For example, the first few classes I had this guy sitting in front of me:

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yeah, Ed from "Shawn Of The Dead". One day he walked in and smelled like straight Drakkar. I was really hoping to see him again, but alas, I underestimated his intelligence......he actually dropped the class.




"Don't Peak Too Soon" - Episode 2.

Actual conversation with my Lit teacher during break two classes ago:


Prof: May I talk to you for a minute?
Me: Sure. (what did I do...did I offend him in some way?)
Prof: What is your major?
Me: Music. (oh no, where is this going?)
Prof: Do you plan on having a double major?
Me: Haven't thought about it yet. (people actually do that in community college?)
Prof: Well how would you like to become a writing tutor?
Me: lol really? (lol, really?)
Prof: Yeah, I think you have a great style and blah blah blah blah.
Me: I have to admit that before this class I hadn't written a paper in 13 years. I don't exactly know what I'd be tutoring. (is this really fucking happening? I have to stop smoking this shit here)
Prof: Don't worry, you'll learn that.
Me: Sure, I'll do it. (fuck you Dundee-Crown High School!)

"Don't peak too soon"

When I first registered for college classes this fall I felt pretty nervous about how I was going to perform. I mean, I hadn't worked parts of my brain for about 13 years.

"Will I be able to derive information from stories/poems?"

"Do I even know how to write a paper anymore?"

"Will it be hard for me to keep up with everyone else?"

"Will spelling words like 'rhythm' cease to seem difficult to the point of avoiding them all together?"


In search of these answers prior to the start of the semester I turned to some friends who I find intellectual and were noticeably jealous that I'm attending college at a less....traditional age. Well among those friends one of them, of whom will remain nameless, gave the perfect advice. Here he saw a budding new college student ready to take on the world, eager for learning, and motivated to excel. Then he put the whole thing in perspective.

"Don't peak too soon."


I'm sorry my friend, but I may be failing you.


It all started the day I took that mid-term for psychology.

>>>>>>psychology side note<<<<<<<
I found out the professor is younger than me. That hurt the team. Thanks Bunker Hill for laying it on easy my first semester.
>>>>>>psychology side note<<<<<<

I ended up getting 100% on it. Shortly after this I started noticing patterns from teachers in all of my classes. Every time I raised my hand, no matter who was already talking, they would immediately start the motion of calling on me. I became an instrument in the process of teaching...and I recognized this. When the students would go off on some tangent that didn't apply to the situation, or when they would just be interpreting literature in all types of wrong I would raise my hand. The teacher would pretty much react somehow like "ummmm, yeah Angel, that's great......yes Benjamin!?" This would allow me to not only achieve a high participation grade, but also save the professor from having to skew the class under his own power of lecture.

This has gotten a little out of hand, though, for music class. First it all started with just the fact that I wanted to make sure I participated......and then I would wait about seven seconds to see if anyone else would answer because if I didn't answer, then Kingjames would have to damn near beg us for answers. Well I finally received a new found status as "class asshole" recently when KJ said the immortal words of: "Anyone but Benjamin."

This makes me wonder that if I NEVER speak again in his class for the rest of the semester, will I receive an "A" in class participation? Have I inadvertently completed extra credit for this class already if I keep participating at this rate?

A few days later I decided during psychology class that I was going to leave early. The students (particularly one) was just too damn tough to take. I went up to the prof during break and asked if it was cool I take off because I had to run to the airport (yeah I don't really know why I picked that) and his reaction was quite literally "You have a 100% in this class, I don't really care." The following week we had the final.

>>>>>>>>>side note<<<<<<<<<<
for this class, and now my College Writing class, I chose to take them in a mini-semester format. I go twice a week for 3 hours each shortening the entire class to 7 weeks, hence why I already took the final for one of my classes.
>>>>>>>>>side note<<<<<<<<<<

He told us the final would be 75 questions. Since the 50 question mid-term was finished in 22 minutes, I quickly determined it would take me between 29-30 minutes. It took me 25. I'm not sure what I specifically scored but I received my first college grade for an entire class yesterday: an A.

...that is, I think its not too bad.

A mid-term took me 22 minutes. Before you ask what the grade was, I haven't gotten it back yet. But do you really think I'd turn that thing in if I thought I just pissed it away?

It was for Psych class. All I have to say is if anyone failed this then they should just pay me the tuition and stop going to classes because its wasting everyone else's fucking time. Remember how I said how the professor only tests the info off of his power point slides, which he hands out every week? Well he also likes to tell you what each and every question on the mid-term will cover. Not only that, he tells them sequentially. I figured that he'd at least mix-up the order, but no. So because of that, I could predict what the next answer was before even reading the question. Half the time the answer would be surrounded with answers that he already said wouldn't be on the test. I fucking love college.







On the T the other night when I was coming home from Kingjames "back to the front front to the back" Bigelow's music class, I saw a few Mormon's doing their thang. I find these people pretty amusing. Sometimes I'll talk to one and sort of lead them on for a bit just to ultimately waste their time. I spent some time in Salt Lake City a couple years back. Shit was crazy out there. I couldn't buy a beer above 3.5% before................

----we interrupt this blog to report that I think I see Pat Sajak sitting next to Michael Madson at the Angel's game-----

.....................8pm one day because I had to "wait for the polls to close". That was state wide. BUT, they have some really good food there.

Anyhow, there were two Mormon's strategically placed at each end of subway car. The Mormon I was sitting in front of was chatting with this guy who strongly resembled a crack-infested Steve Urkel, almost to the point of looking like Flavor Flav, but not THAT bad. I had my headphones on so I have no idea what was actually being said, but Urkel certainly seemed interested. I had my suspicions, though, that Urkel hadn't seen this hustle before, because you should have seen his face when the Mormon handed him a card with Jebus on it. He left on the very next stop. Society 1, Mormons 0.

Next walks on a 20 year old mother and her kid in a stroller. I notice the Mormon starting his hustle again. So I take a look at the mother and assume she's either really really tired, or high as fuck. As she's talking, her eyes only half open with every blink. The Mormon has his work cut out for him.

....well more like he was put to work. The Mormon soon started the talk, but that ended as she was fast asleep moments later. Here's the sad part. Every time the train stopped and started, the stroller would start moving. The first couple times it probably would have went all the way down the car if it wasn't for people stopping it for her. Then she would fall asleep again. What it took was for the Mormon to keep his foot behind one of the wheels until the mother magically awoke and exited the train. Society 2, Mormons 0.





I just want to declare that I didn't watch any live coverage of a big ass balloon. I was probably too busy playing Uncharted 2, the best game I've played in years.






I've been obsessed lately. If it was anything else I'd have to attend a program to make me stop. Thankfully there isn't because what I'm obsessed with is........... The Beatles. As you may or may not know, there are two types of people in the world: Elvis people or Beatles people. No one loves both. I was raised with both to listen to, but my parents only owned the greatest hits albums by Elvis, whereas they had Rubber Soul on vinyl. Later, my mom bought Help!, Sgt. Pepper, and Past Masters vol 2. They may have introduced me to some of Elvis' classics, but I specifically remember my dad turning the speakers up loud as hell just to hear "Revolution" (Past Masters) only to turn to my mom mouthing the words "TURN IT DOWN!". They may have had Elvis movies on from time to time, but it was "Help!" that my mom and I knew most of the lines to. I may recognize Elvis songs when I hear them, but it was at my boy's wedding when I heard "When I'm 64" and I cried because it reminded me of my mother.


In fact, I bet when The Beatles met Elvis, and Elvis said "Hey, I have a great voice", John Lennon probably retorted with something like this:



yeah. fuck Elvis.

So I pretty much knew anything from early Beatles through Rubber Soul. I knew a couple songs from Revolver. I knew 4 songs off of Sgt. Pepper. I had never listened to anything after that, though heard most of the singles on commercials, radio, and covers by bands I liked. I mean, the first time I had EVER heard "Strawberry Fields Forever" was on an in-store sampler while working at Sam Goody.......and it was sung by The Verve Pipe.

this is literally the version I heard:


yeah. it was like that. But now I'm repenting in a BIG way.


My girl's brother purchased the new stereo box set of The Beatles' work. He then did me a huge solid (I'm using that term out of sarcasm because I fucking hate that saying) by burning it all on cd's for me. My life for the last month has been scored by The Beatles in every aspect imaginable. I netflixed the 4 DVD anthology and watched that. George Martin, the producer of most of The Beatles music, wrote a book: I read it. Geoff Emmerick, a sound engineer on Revolver, Sgt. Pepper, and Abbey Road, wrote a book: I'm reading it. To summarize, here's what I've discovered.

- track 5 to the end of Magical Mystery Tour is some of the best music I've ever heard in my life.

- everything I love in music, these guys did without thinking about it.

- with the exception of a few songs, their entire catalogue was recorded using 4, or less, track recording. Amazing.

- I had no idea they never toured in the last half of their career.

- I think I'm 55/45 in the Paul/John ratio.

- Sgt. Pepper defines the term "groundbreaking". Pet Sounds can bite it.

- Matt Vogel, you win this round.

Frustration

Yeah so I finished an EP this week that I titled "My Better Half". I'm pretty proud of it and I hope if you get a chance to hear it that you'll find something off of it that you enjoy as well.








The ball is still rolling, but it's awfully difficult to find worthy stories to blog about when it comes to only my experience with college. Particularly when my classes are quite dull at the moment. There may be more times than most where I write a more general blog than one that is full of humor.

So for anyone that really wanted to see how my Lit class has been, here's some behind the scenes footage. Keep in mind that I had to hide the camera very carefully in order to truly capture the essence of the class.



Last Friday's class was seriously out of control. To the point that I almost walked out. I mean, we went over homework for 3 hours. homework? HOMEWORK? I'm supposed to be a franchise student and we are talking about homework? not a test. not a new chapter. but homework.

It really got me thinking about my experience thus far. I'm looking at these kids and wondering how this happened. How did these people learn to be so disrespectful toward everyone around them? I can understand if they don't want to be there, or if they were forced. But they aren't. That's what blows my mind about all of this. They pay 3-4 times as much (I don't have an inkling of an idea how much public school costs) than a high school class and they have to make the effort to actually get to class. Its not like a bus comes and picks them up right in front of their house. So after all of this money and effort, they arrive in class......and do nothing to contribute. That's fine if you want to be the guy in the back who doesn't say anything; on average a class participation grade is usually only 5% of the overall grade. But to come to class and just talk about absolutely NOTHING pertaining to the subject is downright fucking irritating.

Last week, during the first 25 minutes of class, I actually thought it was finally going to be an interesting session. We were actually discussing the stories that we had been reading, which was some thought provoking stuff ("The Lottery" and "A Rose For Emily").

But then 5-6 people walked in. yeah. 25 minutes into class. One girl was 45 minutes late. After that the professor lost all control of the class.

Here's the root of my frustration. When I was 19, living in Illinois, and enrolled to go to UCLA (University Closest to Larkin Avenue) aka Elgin Community College, I wasn't really looking forward to it. I was in great classes in high school with great kids in those classes, but I was on the bottom of the grading curve pretty much all four years of high school. My friends all wore different color sashes and shit at graduation. I was something around number 236 out of some 400 students. At the time I felt that seemed important. So here I was, enrolled for college after my poor mother spent hours upon hours digging up receipts to make a portfolio so I could receive financial aid. This entire time I'm thinking "I'm going to blow my parents money. I'm going to fuck this up and barely even make it out of classes. If I don't give a shit about high school then why would I care about college? Its harder, there's more homework, and the teachers could care less what your homework grade is."

actual high school conversation:

me: "Hey Mr. Wendling! (my math teacher for four years) What's up?"
Mr. Wendling: "Not your homework grade."

yeah that pretty much summed up my accomplishments at 19.

So I decided to go to join the navy.....literally the Friday before the Monday of my first class at UCLA. I never heard if my mom was pissed about that, but I can't imagine she wasn't very happy at the time given that she worked so hard to prove that we needed financial aid. Later my dad told me that she thought I'd never make it through boot camp. He said she figured "if he doesn't even clean his room when I tell him then why would he listen to anyone else." That, my friends is called Smock Logic. My girl, KB, created the term based on things I've said in the past year.

Smock Logic:

KB: "So are you watching Obama's acceptance speech at Grant Park?"
me: "Yup. CNN is claiming there are over a million people there right now. That can't be a million people because I've never seen a million people and that's not a million people."

Anyway.....I joined the military to grow the fuck up. To gain some responsibility for myself. Essentially because I knew I needed guidance and if I put myself in a situation where I HAD to listen and follow orders then I wouldn't fail. All I knew is that I wasn't ready for college yet, and when I would be, college would be free.

So my point is that now I'm ready. I'm excited to learn. I enjoy writing papers now. I enjoy reading things I normally wouldn't pick out for myself. I enjoy learning about classical music, psychology, and how I still can't stand Hemingway, yet I respect him. I actually WANT to learn, but I can't. Because of these damn meddling kids. And there really isn't anything I can do about it.


Sorry for the negative vibe. Here, I'll end on a happy note.